Parenting is not easy sometimes. Although we are entrusted by God to raise our children, sometimes our best efforts don’t work well. It’s easy in those times to feel like a failure as a parent and to take that feeling of failure into our future parenting style by either giving up on discipline or becoming too frustrated and angry in our discipline efforts.
I was personally struggling with this issue today and realized that as our heavenly Father, God, experiences the same thing in dealing with us every day.
He knows the right path to peace for each of us and has given us His Word for us to follow, but sometimes we simply are unwilling to accept it. As a result, our disobedience ultimately leads to painful consequences in our lives. It occurred to me that if God faces the same challenges I do, the best course of action would be to follow His approach to parenting my own daughter.
The Israelite people in the Bible provide a perfect illustration of God’s parenting approach with them. Deuteronomy 14:1-2 describes God’s love of Israel this way, “You are the children of the Lord your God…Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be his treasured possession.” Like any good parent, God established for His children rules and guidelines for their lives and promised them only good if they obeyed. Moses made them clear for the people in Deuteronomy 6:1-3. “These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you … Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you.”
Unfortunately, as our kids inevitably do, the Israelites disobeyed. They betrayed God’s law, they sought after other gods, they engaged in all kinds of bad behaviors and rebelled against everything God had taught them. In fact, most of the Old Testament is dedicated to sharing the stories of their rebellion. But it also provides a clear picture of the steps God used in dealing with them. Steps that we can choose to be godly parents for our children:
STEP ONE: Set clear behavior guidelines and explain the consequences for disobedience:
As we’ve already discussed, God gave Israel commandments and laws and cautioned them about the outcomes if they did not obey. God wanted them to not only hear the rules, but understand and take them to heart. He told them to “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6) In the same way, we, too, must be clear and consistent in the rules we establish with our children. Obedience and learning is impossible if the rules are ever changing or confusing. In addition, understanding consequences is a key to learning.
STEP TWO: Provide them with coaching and warnings along the way
Out of 39 books in the Old Testament, nearly half of them are written by the prophets God sent to warn the Israelite people about their behavior. For example, Isaiah was sent to warn the kings to stop leading the people away from God. Hosea was sent to show Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. And Jeremiah was sent to warn them of the final consequence of their actions… deportation and captivity by Babylon. Each of these warnings addressed specific issues and provided guidance on how to avoid punishment for disobedience. We, too, need to help our children to obey by providing ongoing coaching and warnings of their behavior.
STEP THREE: Follow through on punishment as a result of disobedience
The purpose of setting up rules and discipline is to teach our children right from wrong. But if we never enforce the rules, they become meaningless. Unfortunately for the Israelites – and for our kids as well – enforcement means punishment for disobedience. 2 Chronicles 36:12-16 puts it this way: “The Lord, the God of their fathers, sent word to them through his messengers again and again, because he had pity on his people and on his dwelling place. But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people and there was no remedy… It was because of the Lord’s anger that all this happened to Jerusalem and Judah, and in the end he thrust them from his presence.“ The Israelite’s rebellion cost them greatly. In spite of God’s warnings, they lost the Promised Land and had to endure years as captives in a foreign nation, but through that experience finally began to turn back to God. We, too, must not be afraid to follow through with punishments… it may be the only way to teach them the right way in life.
STEP FOUR: Exhibit unconditional love and forgiveness for repentance
Above all else, God’s parenting style is one filled with love and forgiveness no matter what the sin. Although Israel’s sin was great, God made a clear promise of forgiveness upfront saying “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14) This same promise is available to us today. The truth is, our children aren’t the only ones who disobey. Fortunately, through Jesus Christ, God has made a way for us, his children, to be restored. Shouldn’t we do the same for our children as well?
So, where does this leave me with my daughter? Well, following God’s lead makes it very clear: the rules I established are going to stay firm, the warnings will continue to a point, and unfortunately, she is going to lose some of her most precious possessions as a punishment for her disobedience. But in spite of what she has done or not done, my love and forgiveness will remain at the forefront just as God’s love does for me.
